1st quarter 2015

In December, our son let us know that his marriage was ending.  He was married a bit over 5 years to a woman that we all knew and liked.  About 3 years ago they moved to Portland, Maine, where Aimee had gotten a new job that she was pretty excited about.  Will was working for the St. Paul Public Library, but was willing to let the job go.  Unfortunately, the economic slump hit Portland hard and continues to impact the area. Will was unable to find permanent full-time work while he was there. The stress of chronic under-employment took its toll on their marriage.  Will has since moved back to Minnesota, where he has both family and a network of friends. So far he hasn't found permanent employment, but is actively looking. He is also applying to colleges in the Twin Cities, looking to finish his baccalaueate degree in the next year or so.

In March my sister Laura's health deteriorated again. She's been ill with depression and chemical addiction for more than a decade, but her physical health had been pretty good - despite developing breast cancer, which she successfully fought and beat.  Over the past two years, Laura battled a series of serious health issues, coming to the brink of death more than once.  The fight in March was her last.  I loved Laura.  She was the sister closest in age to me - 22 months older - and we shared a room growing up. As children we often fought, but we mostly got along and spent a lot of time together.  We had our children at the same time, my son Will, then Laura's Sam, and then my daughter Ellen.  The 3 kids spent a lot of time together when they were young, at family gatherings and at each other's homes. When the kids hit the late elementary years, they started to drift apart a bit as their interests changed and their network of friends in their home communities grew.  And Laura and I drifted apart, too. In my partial defense, Laura lost many connections with family in those years, as depression and alcoholism took over her life.  [We come from a family with addiction and depression on both parental sides. Many of my siblings struggle with this to one degree or another.  My personal struggles are with tobacco and food.]

I miss my sister, but mostly I miss the Laura we knew before she got really ill. She was smart and funny. She cared about other people. But she wasn't perfect. She could be cutting, sharp words came with her sharp mind. She was progressive in her politics, and had many a heated argument with our conservative brothers. She embarrassed and angered her son, by sometimes being a falling-down drunk, and by not being able, or seemingly willing, to kick that addiction. She was unkind to and disparaged her husband, himself a recovering alcoholic, who nevertheless stuck by her and cared for her until she died.  But still, she was a sister, mother, aunt, wife and daughter and her place, her role, in our family dynamics cannot be replaced.